Sad Success
The Bittersweet Story Behind my Most Popular Poem
I’m a person who has fought against infertility for years. It’s on my mind a lot, so the topic shows up in my work a lot, across poems, short stories, and longer fiction. Writing about it helps, and sharing those words with others also helps.
My most popular poem to date (titled ‘Downsizing,’ which I’ll share at the end of this newsletter) is about failing to get pregnant, but that’s not the only reason it gives me messy feelings.
It’s the last poem I wrote about my marriage, before said marriage ended.
Typing that feels so surreal, not least because I’m now in a brand-new phase of life and am trying again. But putting my personal life aside, I want to explain how and why it’s my most popular poem.
The success I’ve found with Downsizing was a slow burn at first. I submitted it to two literary journals that both turned it down, then I submitted it to a poetry anthology and didn’t hear anything for months. I assumed that was a silent rejection, which happens, and went on to submit it yet again—to another anthology.
I heard nothing for a few more months, then got word that the first anthology wanted to include my work and pay me for it. I of course said yes, and that anthology (Washing Windows V: Women Revolutionise Irish Poetry | Arlen House, 2025) went on to reach the national Top 10 Nielson bestseller list—the highest position a poetry anthology has ever reached.
Needless to say I was pretty freaking pleased, but then the other anthology got back to me and they wanted to publish it too! I had to decline, since the poem was already in print at this point, but it still felt like a win. And it doesn’t end there!
I am part of an arts collective, and recently one of my fellow artists (Graeme McAllister) asked if we had any good news to share. I told him about getting published and the book becoming a bestseller, and he asked me if he could share the poem to his online audience. AND then the man (the myth, the legend) who started the trailblazing virtual gallery that led to said art collective’s inception then asked me if I wanted the poem up in the gallery (Untitled Virtual Gallery by Mathieu Decodts).
Not too shabby!
The UVG has three of my poems already on the walls, alongside a selection of my photography, and a painting in the #ArtsNI exhibit. It’s a really great endeavour and I recommend checking it out. (It’s free and does not require a VR headset.)
With all of that said, here is the poem:
Downsizing
I suppose you and I never did fit the mould.
Didn’t meet those expecting expectations.
Society lets us know there’s an order to things:
You grow up, get a job, find a partner, settle down, and expand
At least until the tide turns, the fledglings fly,
you discard the job, and start to take things easy.
Is that the opposite of growing up?
Is there a word for the particular kind of heartbreak
in which it dawns on you it’s time to downsize
without any of the eggs ever having hatched?